Monthly Archives: February 2013

An Only Friend When All Is Lost

Normally I’d dissect my father’s letters and provide a translation or, at least, shed a little perspective. But my latest discovery in his journal does all the talking. My words merely clutter, worthless babble, considering the context and timing of a letter composed shortly before his life ended so tragically. By me writing additional words just for the sake of writing, I will only detract from the loneliness in his voice.
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Posted by on February 23, 2013 in Family, Uncategorized


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A Letter From the Past

Going through my father’s old letters and notebooks has been both helpful and emotionally debilitating. I’ve locked away so many of those memories for so long. So long, in fact, that I began forgetting my past. I grew hardened to it, refusing to confront the pain that was my youth and early adulthood. Over the years, I think I lost my identity, having developed into a shell of a man, often emotionless, expressionless, exhausted. So many years wasted, just shuffling through the haze.

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Posted by on February 16, 2013 in Family


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Twenty Words of Loneliness

Not until I recently dug into my father’s letters did I realize how lonely his life had become. Perhaps I was too caught up in my own anger. Maybe I just had enough of his broken and empty promises. Or, quite possibly, it took my being alone to understand what being alone feels like, instilling within me a sense of empathy.

High atop a page in one of those wide-ruled notebooks rests two sentences and nothing more. They’re written in penmanship barely legible because of dad’s unceasing episode of the shakes.

“I’ve never been this lonely and all alone in my 44 years of living. Life is very difficult for me.”

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Posted by on February 9, 2013 in Family


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Dear Alcohol

February 6 will likely be just another day in your life. You will get up as you usually do, go about your normal activities, and retire after a long day like always. It’ll be the same this time as it was 12 years ago. But February 6, 2001, marked the passing of a lowly man from this earth: my father.

His death came with no recognition, glory, or even posthumous praise. People didn’t stop and wonder. In fact, his life was devoid of any fanfare, and the end of his life certainly didn’t receive any special attention. Outside his small corner of the world, life continued for most like it always does.
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Posted by on February 3, 2013 in Family


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